


Not What You'd Expect

by okdreaming



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-29
Updated: 2009-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-05 11:19:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okdreaming/pseuds/okdreaming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life never turns out how you'd expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not What You'd Expect

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story from 2005. The story wasn't beta checked because I never heard back from the beta. Hopefully it isn't too awful.

He arrived a little after eight; in a vehicle that gave me the first insight into a part of himself he keeps separate from me. He was chauffeur driven, a young military man who saluted. Jack paused talking to the young man before walking up to my front door. It explained a lot that Jack was military. If the young man and car were anything to go by he was pretty high-ranking military at that.

Over dinner, we talked. Well I talked, he made appropriate sounds at the right times but I don’t think he was actually listening. There was definitely something on his mind. I hoped that he would open up to me and tell me what it was. To coin an old cliché a problem shared is a problem halved.

“I’m going to retire,” he said suddenly, as I lay in his arms. I didn’t know what to think or say. So typically I said the first thing that appeared into my mind. “Why?”

“It’s time,” he said simply. “I’m getting too old, and I’m not cut out for paperwork.”

There was something else behind this; it couldn’t just be those things. I moved back, so I could see his face. “I never realised you were in the military.”

“Didn’t you?”

“Do all military get chauffeur driven?”

“Only Generals.”

“That explains the death glare then. You’ve had all those years of scaring the pants off of raw recruits. One little girl didn’t stand a chance against you.”

“One little girl who is more trouble than a lot of those recruits put together,” he drew me back into his embrace.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Later I asked him what had been on my mind for the past six months “Who is she?”

“It’s complicated.” He didn’t deny that there was a she. He confirmed all my suspicions. Part of me was disappointed that there was actually a she. The other part was glad that he was opening up to me. “What’s complicated about it?”

“She is getting married, soon.”

“She’s not married yet.”

“She’s under my command and she is looking at having children,” he finished softly looking anywhere but at me.

“Did she tell you this?”

“The doctor has to inform me of any medical issues that may affect staffing levels. It was all there in blank and white, in one of her weekly memo’s”

“Is that sort of thing private?”

“National Security.”

“How is that anything to do with National Security?”

“Classified.”

“So she’s under your command and that means you can’t go out with her?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well you said you were going to retire anyway…”

“Doesn’t matter, she’s made her choice. She wants to start a family that’s all there is to say.”

He turned away; I didn’t think there was anything to say to him. So I just hugged him. That was all I could do. Let him know that I was there for him. He had a lot to lose if he told her his feelings. She had a life; there was no guarantee that she had any feelings for him. Unrequited love was a terrible thing. I should know I’d fallen for Jack in a big way. He would never look at me like that though. I was going to do all that I could to make sure that he was happy and loved.

“Can you just leave like that?” I asked.

“No,” he paused. “I’ll get retirement on medical grounds as my knees aren’t what they used to be. The base isn’t the most disabled friendly environment.”

“What will you do?”

“Go fishing, stargaze and fish some more.”

“Can I come fishing?”

“You wouldn’t like it, it’s in the middle of nowhere and there aren’t actually any fish.”

I tried not to be hurt that he didn’t want me to go fishing with him but it did hurt. It was then that I decided that I should stop seeing Jack. He wouldn’t feel about me the way I wanted him to. I don’t think it ever occurred to him to think of me like that, after he found out what I do for a living. There may have been a slim chance before then but not anymore. I was just the woman he had to pay to keep him company. I don’t think Jack had much faith in his attractiveness to the opposite sex, he was divorced some years ago, he was in love with a woman he worked with – who either didn’t notice or didn’t care how he felt and then he paid me to keep him company. I can see how that would affect a guy’s self-esteem. What Jack didn’t seem to realise was he was very attractive but whoever he was with would probably always be second best to this other woman. I don’t think many women could put up with that. Luckily I knew just the person.

***

I know a lot people like to pretend women like me don’t exist. Sometimes I like to pretend that I don’t exist. I have to admit this wasn’t the life I had planned out for myself at eighteen. Eighteen seems so long ago, and I was so sure that I could be anything. I was on top of the world. This wasn’t the life I planned for myself, but then life rarely turns out the way you would expect.

In my line of work I’ve been fairly lucky, I only see a few exclusive clients through the agency. I decide how far I take things. I am not required to sleep with them, the fact that I do for a fee is neither here nor there. There is a need for the service that I provide. Some people don’t find comfort and companionship anywhere in their daily lives. The people they look to for comfort or companionship seek theirs elsewhere, little realising that in doing so they are hurting someone.

Take one of my clients; I suppose strictly speaking he isn’t exactly a client. He does pay me, but it wasn’t an official thing. Not that you can be really official about these things. I met him in the frozen meals section of Wal-mart of all places. He was buying those awful meals for one; I was taking a shortcut through to the bakery section. Of course I ended up cooking him dinner among other things. I liked him he was a charming guy. The most gorgeous smile and brown eyes that I could drown in.

I didn’t actually mean for him to become a client, he found out somewhere around our second date. One of my former clients approached me; he’d always given me the creeps. Which is why it never went any further than a few dinner dates. I managed to get rid of him but not before Jack found out a heck of a lot more than I wanted him to know. Jack seemed to take it pretty well. He just paused and asked what my fee was. I was so shocked that I told him. The following week, I received a cheque for that amount times two.

I did try to return it but he wouldn’t hear of it. Perhaps I should have tried harder, he didn’t need to pay me to spend time with him. I liked him he was a nice guy. They are all nice guys for the most part; it’s a shame that those around them don’t appreciate that. Of course if they were appreciated then I would be out of a job.

I would see him once or twice a week, at a prearranged date and time. Sometimes we went out, sometimes I cooked, and sometimes he cooked. Sometimes he would just fall asleep as I held him. We talked, about everything and nothing. I knew very little about him, he knew everything about me. In a way he was something of a father figure to me, I would tell him my problems and he would tell me no lies. He would have made a wonderful father. I hoped I made him feel wanted, but I was never sure. However as he always came back I think maybe I succeeded. Whoever she was, she was a fool. He didn’t talk about her, not that he ever talked about much but I knew she was there as surely as I knew day followed night.

One day – a Tuesday he phoned asking if we could meet. There was something in his voice, the very lack of emotion there. It made me want to rush over to wherever he was and hold him. I agreed of course. I’d broken the cardinal rule in my profession. I had begun to care more for a client than I should.

***

Maybe she wasn’t actually looking for a guy. That wasn’t the point or perhaps it was. I don’t mean to make her sound pathetic because she wasn’t at all but from an early age she had never had any expectations of being married or having children. She knew she wasn’t attractive to the opposite sex. Some people aren’t particularly they don’t worry about it. They move on with their lives. When I met her she was teaching a creative writing class, I thought I ought to expand my horizons a little. She did have loads of male friends. That’s all they were though, friends. In one sense she was particularly asexual. I thought she would be perfect for Jack. Did I choose her because of her looks? I’d be a fool if I didn’t say that they played a factor but more importantly I liked her, she laughed at my bad jokes and she was a good friend who I didn’t like to think of spending the rest of her life alone.

Is it worse for two nice people to live lonely lives, when there is a chance at some sort of companionship and happiness? Everybody is holding out for Mr or Miss Right. The One. The most perfect partner, soul mate have it what you will. Maybe that’s not a nice thing to think but there is nothing wrong with apparently settling for second best. Is settling, settling when both parties are honest about their emotions and expectations?

I decided that they would both do each other good and invited them both to dinner. They had no idea I was setting them up. I don’t know how Jack didn’t realise, him being military and all. They hit it off; they have a lot in common – a love of The Simpson’s, Guinness, and Ice Hockey and that’s just for starters. They didn’t even notice when I went to bed.

I didn’t see much of Jack after that or her. She had someone covering her lessons. When she came back five months later I was like a junkie who needed my fix. Boy did she have a lot to tell me, Jack had retired. They’d gone to his cabin, there really weren’t any fish, then they took in Vegas and did I want to buy them a belated wedding gift. I stood there doing my best impression of a fish before hugging her. I hadn’t expected that much. Shows what happens when you try to play god.

Later that evening at dinner they showed me another little surprise, a picture of their daughter Katherine. She was about twenty weeks old. Small but perfectly formed. My name is Katherine. As Jack was seeing me out he thanked me, he had never expected to experience this again. He had come to an understanding with her, she knew that he couldn’t and probably never would be able to give her everything. She had seemed happy with it but he suspected that in a few years time she would have grown out of him. He would want a beat-up dumb old flyboy? I told him if she was stupid enough to grow out of him, there was always room in my bed – rent-free. I left before he had a chance to reply. That’s the closest I’ve ever got to telling him I love him.

I saw them regularly until I moved away after the birth of Katherine. She was the most beautiful baby I’ve every seen and I’m not just saying that because she’s my namesake. We kept in contact at birthdays and Christmas’. I swear Jack went on a mission to find the weirdest cards ever made. I also received regular reports on their ever-expanding family; in five years they had four kids. Talk about making up for lost time.

***

I was just thinking about moving back to Colorado when the card arrived in my mailbox. An invitation to the funeral of Major General Jonathan O’Neill. I cried. It wasn’t fair, I hadn’t got to say goodbye to him. He still had so much to live for. I must have spent hours crying. I didn’t think could face going to the funeral or her. She must hate me, for introducing her to Jack.

I went to the funeral, how could I not? There was a lot a military personnel at the funeral; all the different branches of the military were well represented. Some of them I’d seen on TV. ‘Oh Lord Jack,’ I thought. ‘Just what had you been up to?’ The funeral was illuminating; everyone shared the glimpses they had of Jack that went a long way to making up a complete picture of the man. Finally his wife rose and addressed the congregation. I can still hear the speech, even now all these years later.

“_I didn’t know Jack for as long as some of you but I knew enough to know that he was a good, decent man and a wonderful father to our four children. The one word that I’ve come to know that each military wife must hate, has been banded about more times than you could shake a stick at “Classified”. I don’t know where he died or how he died. I know that he died in the service of his country, and for a military man that is all that he could have asked for. My husband died to make a difference, somewhere in this world. He was a good man, it was his time to die and in the end that’s all that really matters.”_

I was stunned that she was so calm and collected about this. I expected her to be mad; damn I was mad when I heard he had died in a “training accident”. As I waiting in line to speak to her I noticed the redness around her eyes. She welcomed me with a warm smile only slightly tempered by the sadness clinging to her. Thanked me for coming, and thanked me for introducing her to Jack. Without my introduction she wouldn’t have had the happiest years of her life, however short. She told me that Jack had been not just content but happy, in the days before he left the shadows had completely disappeared from his eyes. In all the months that I had known Jack intimately, those shadows had never been far away from his eyes. I’m glad that they were happy. When I look at the world I see too many people who are unhappy. I firmly believe that happiness is a limited commodity; you should grab it while you can. You never know when you’re going to get the chance again.


End file.
